Suppose you hear for the first time about this “eccentricity”. If you are not intrigued (and this is a good sign), you will invariably think at first (at least for a short time) that something is wrong with those you just understand that they have decided to widen their privacy borders in this particular way. Paradoxically, the truth is exactly the opposite. Swinging is intended exclusively for those who have no problems, are happy together and have a harmonious relationship, tightly molded, being absolutely sure of one another.
What is the ground for such controversy, though. since in a bizarre way, the concept attracts as a magnet an increasing number of followers?
For reasons the motivation of which would open the way for far too vast comments, inappropriate to this article, the collective mentality was inoculated with the idea that sex cannot be separated from feelings... only people deeply in love and especially married ones having the justification for unhindered bodily pleasures. Fortunately, this preconception has diminished over time, under the pressure of a little less hypocritical reality.
One of the barriers thus shattered was also the conditioning of sex by emotional involvement. Just as love can sometimes be devoid of carnal “lusts” (platonic love, for example), sex can also find its own usefulness.
Nowadays, eroticism has begun to be perceived rather as a way of spending leisure time, and less as an experience shared in a claustrophobic way with the soul-mate and predominantly oriented towards the idea of procreation. This does not mean that it no longer symbolizes the expression of the soul attachment. Certainly not! But it can work well for both recreation and sealing of elevated feelings. Recreational physical contact is “stripped” of the affections, responsibilities and obligations of a coexistential commitment, becoming more of a “hobby”, full of flavor, while love remains a unique way of sublime fusion (getting together) for lovers and eventually at a given moment they also want to have children.
Think of thirst and the need to drink water... so is the physiological need alikened as “shameful”! Love, however, is like a cup of hot coffee or tea.
Another reality of human society (revealed from ancient times) is the continuing need for the new and sexual change (and not only) to satisfy the need for existential confirmation. In essence, this trait is not necessarily a consequence of curiosity or pride, but rather a precautionary measure “conceived” by nature to ensure the success of perpetuation of the species. Even if, in principle, the vast majority of us are trying to conceal this impetus of diversity (and sometimes we do succeed) constrained by a misguided or part-time substantiation of the meaning of morality, it is no secret to anyone that many marriages during their existence are confronted with adultery or get to divorce for this reason.
What a couple does not generally understand is that “different” does not necessarily mean “better” or definite change... by breaking up. For example, when we look at someone other than our mate, it does not mean that we want to abandon everything we have built together. By admiring another person, we feel excited in exploring body shapes, movements, sensuality (all new, different and therefore exciting).
It is like we are dreaming of a holiday on the seashore or in the mountains, but in no way have we would ever leave our own home for good. Home is always much better... and surprisingly enough, it is especially so when we get back.
Exiting the limits of the ordinary is what incites people and arouses their interest. In addition, we must admit that each of us has sexual fantasies and, most of the time, they do not include our companions, or at least they just do not appear in that imaginative rebelliousness. Such fancies are born out of aspirations threaded through erotic experience or even out of the anxiety of non-fulfillment or suppression and reflect the dynamics of personal creativity.
Even renowned sexologists themselves have come to the conclusion that the eccentricities are healthy and make their presence felt in the minds of almost any person, and if they are “released”, understood and put into practice with the support of those with whom we share the bed, they have a more than beneficial effect.
So, what are the options currently available to those who are looking for variation and want to spice up their private life?
a)-A first possibility would be the denial or stifling of all temptations of alternation and astute attempts at self-conviction that monogamy is “the only way”. The approach, unfortunately, only works on the surface and not for a long time, for though seemingly idyllic, behavioral falsehood will quickly make its dysfunctional feelings felt both upon its own and on the others alike. By ignoring the desires, they will in no way disappear, but become more and more poignant and frustrating. In a couple, there must be confidence and communication without which merry examples would be but very few would turn into happy examples.
b)-The second option is remarked to be the easiest way of getting out of the stalemate: i.e. adultery. However, although frivolous caprices manage to be somewhat satisfied by this method, the lack of ingredients indissoluble to any marriage or stable living together is once again felt: the comfort of certainty and the dialogue.
c)-The third variant is somewhat more sophisticated, much more difficult to manage, yet with immense privileges: it is the “open” way of life. It is an approach that not only keeps devotion and a solid verbal bridge, but it is precisely on these elements that it relies on to work out in optimal conditions. Swinging implies sharing secret wishes together (“together” being the key word). It can only be successful in a safe, open and straightforward cohabitation.
Unfortunately, those who are not interested in the phenomenon in question or are against it have forged the myth that swingers are people who have sex with everyone they meet and do as often as they can. Completely wrong! Besides, most incriminated persons are not “swingers”, as one might think.
There are different ways of intimate interaction in the circumstances of libertine life, and beginners can choose what best suits them. Swinging can be approached gradually, on several “levels”. One can participate in a simple social flirtation, a slight touch with another friendly “duo”, have sex with one’s own partner, while others look and enjoy one other in the same room... or it can go further than that.
There is a “traditional” reciprocity couple-couple, where “team mates” are exchanged among the two “teams”, and the possibility of exploratory stage or bisexual involvement is not excluded. There are relationships in three, wherein a man or a woman is invited to join the two, the way there are situations in which only the “proximity” of bisexual partners is preferred. The approach can also include larger collectivities as well, having in mind the idea of party or (why not?) orgy. It all depends on how “actors” want the chosen scenario to take place, and in no way ought to go beyond the previously established acceptability threshold.
Of course, each one’s imagination and the inner drives create many other types of swinging, but they all relate to the same thing: uninhibited experimentation with loved ones in the “expansionist” spurts and improvement of living together, further to these “escapades”. Certainly, adopting the lifestyle in question, does not mean that one must always go all the way to the end or be done with everyone, anytime.
Often, things are going relatively slow, with caution, since the adapting to everything that implies new possibilities means for things to be made gradually and conscientiously.
The use of toys or sexual accessories, sexy outfits or out of common lingerie, role-playing, all can be beneficial “adjuvants” to overcome embarrassing debut moments. It's good not to make haste and it may take a while before you decide to take the first concrete step for a “pilot episode”. But that's not bad, after all!
So, make sure you do not ruin anything you already have, and you are both satisfied. If you force your partner’s training in the undesirable circumstances just for your own pleasure, it is clear that you have some problems, situation in which it would be advisable to look for the cause of the malfunctions and, if possible, to set them right.
Cohesion is a priority and is extremely important throughout the participation in a swing session. So, keep the gates of communication open, setting the pace and rules of the “game” in advance, so that you can enjoy the most pleasant revelations and memories later on. Enjoy your swinging!